She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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