When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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