yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
