they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
