Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
