Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
