I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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