I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
