A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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