i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize