I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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