the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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