btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
