I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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