She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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