Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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