Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
