The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
