I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said her name was "party"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize