shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's get the cat blown out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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