i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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