Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
