i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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