i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
