I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
