I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
