I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
