Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
