when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
