I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
