She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
