In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
