Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
