I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
