Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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