I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
