sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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