so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
