so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
