That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just tell him i said nine months
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
