I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
