i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
