I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
