I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
