We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
