thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
