No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
