How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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