So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
