I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
