i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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