Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we're making bets on your personal life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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