His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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