It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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