Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
