I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
