I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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