i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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