you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
