Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
