1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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