A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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