Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize