I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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