her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
