Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
