You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize